Am I Making This Serious Mistake? Probably!

(But Chill Out Anyway)

I hate thinking. Probably because I over think.

I tried to leave my day job about three times before I finally lost it. That’s not including the numerous solutions I tried to implement to make the job more bearable and more akin to what I actually wanted.

I’ve never been good at breaking things off with someone. I don’t like deciding what I want to eat for dinner. In part because I despise food and everything about it. Despite knowing what I want, despite being good at going for it, thinking too hard has proven to be the pain of my existence.

Make all the jokes you want, but I literally get a headache from thinking too much. Tension headaches, to be precise.

March marks six months out from Making the Horizon’s publication date. This means the book goes up for preorder, the cover is revealed, the blurb must be finalized, and the due date for the trailer is quickly barreling its way over me. I’m getting the manuscript back from my editor today and will spend the next few weeks trying to get the plot line, characters, and voices all in order.

Somehow, I need to have all my shit together. Be organized? Know what’s next? Be sure my priorities are correct?

I don’t like it.

So last week I was dealing with paperwork and preplanning, and I misunderstood something major, made a pretty big mistake that I was not able to immediately fix. I realized what I had done right away, but I had to wait 24 hours to hear back from the important people. They were less than helpful, citing proper protocol. So, in the middle of the night, having woken from a stress induced nightmare, I typed an email I knew they wouldn’t respond to until at least six hours later, and waited with in insane hopes they might happen to reply anyway.

Funny thing is, I knew what was going to happen: they would fix it manually for me and all would be okay. If they didn’t, I already had a valid backup plan.

Yet, it stressed me out until I knew for sure that my mistake hadn’t caused some massive fees and issues.


Because I’m a nutcase, I guess.

Risk taking it terrifying not because we’re afraid of failure, but because we’re afraid of having to deal with shit. Bureaucracy is already a pain in the neck on the best days, and when it’s your own human error that forces you to take an extra two hours, it’s as if the frustration has gone from a monkey on your back to a giant dragon heaving steam down your neck and watching your stupid decisions over your shoulders.

People make mistakes. We fix them. Rarely is something so tremendously huge that it will destroy you. And those things that do? They take time to grow.

So, as my professor in college used to say, “Fuck it.” If thinking is giving you a headache, you’re probably doing it too much.

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