Think You Know How to Resolve? Resolve this!
New Year's Resolutions 2020
So, here’s the problem: I’m in a pretty good place.
Rough, you know? Alas, alack, what’s a stress-addict to do?
Last year, my mother gave us cards to write down these so-called
resolutions. I kept it, looked it over again this year, and then burned it in a
Solstice bonfire for good measure. I don't remember exactly what was on it. (Take care of my body, value my free time, etc.) The important thing is, for the most part, I did it! And like most people, my resolutions were always things that I'd wanted for a long time.
The only thing I really want now is to finally trim out my apartment. I mean with literal trim. Because, Jebus, it’s cold in here. Yet actionable steps? I'm working on it. Actively. I've done it, I'm doing it.
The only thing I really want now is to finally trim out my apartment. I mean with literal trim. Because, Jebus, it’s cold in here. Yet actionable steps? I'm working on it. Actively. I've done it, I'm doing it.
So... now what?
Let’s recap:
Let’s recap:
Jan. 2019 – Working long hours at a job I’ve been trying to
quit for over a year. Not writing. Not drawing. Not dating. So checked out on Lexapro
that I’m pretty sure I stopped existing for a while.
Feb. 2019 – Same, but now add on the benefit of also doing Chicago
the musical rehearsals every night and being constantly reminded I can’t dance.
March 2019 – Got a personal request to resubmit a play I
wrote last year to this year’s festival. Won first place, was reminded that I
do, in fact, exist.
April 2019 – Took a chance on a great guy. Worked out.
May 2019 – Got fired. No, I did not hit my coworker. I just came really close. ‘Nough
said. Praise Jebus.
June 2019 – Went hiking at least once a week. Actually saw parts
of my hometown that my introverted self has avoided for 30 years.
July 2019 – Celebrated my boyfriend’s birthday. Forth of
July. Old friends visited.
August 2019 – Mom’s birthday. Worked with kids in the arts.
Wrote a lot.
September 2019 – Wrote a lot more.
October 2019 – Drew a lot. Turned 30. Went to Hawaii.
Switched to Prozac. Feel like a human again.
November 2019 – Making the Horizon is slated to be
published September 2020.
December 2019 – I don’t remember by this point. Spent a lot
of time making cards.
Yes, there are things I would change about my situation, but
the procrastination aspect of resolutions is not a factor. What do I do with
myself if not announce I’m going to do that thing I’ve put off for five years?
On Solstice, my friend and I threw Tarot Cards. In an
uncharacteristically positive reading, my cards told me that I would achieve
great success, as long as I could forgive, be decisive, and speak up for my
viewpoints.
As I have been telling myself this year that words speak as loud
as actions (people can’t magically know what you’ve done), this didn’t come as
a shock to me, but considering how pessimistic my cards usually are, it was
nice to hear a confirmation.
I have one true resolution this year: To be at peace.
I don’t know what that will look like, or how to get there, but
I do know that I carry around the weight of the world on my shoulders. I worry
about everyone, I am filled with resentment for taking out their stress on me from
years past, and I can’t but help always feeling like I should be doing
something.
So, whatever it takes, in the year 2020, I will find peace.
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