Why I Don’t Immediately Trust Experts
I’m constantly in pain. Karma, I know, considering what I
am for other people’s asses, but it is problematic none of the less.
I experience constant headaches, including migraines.
Sometimes I have extreme light sensitivity and have twice gone blind in the
last five years. It was for only several seconds, each after sitting in a dark
theatre programing the lighting for many hours, but still scary. I’ve recently
started to wear sunglasses when in a fluorescent lit room at night, not
bothering to explain why to my somewhat disbelieving friends. I’m often
nauseated and have no appetite. I often have terrible insomnia, especially when
I sleep alone. Yet I am fatigued most of the time. I am constantly thirsty, but
when I drink I just end up going to the bathroom excessively, and will
sometimes even get a headache after too much water. I itch everywhere,
especially on my scalp. I’m always freezing. Up until recently, I would
experience this extreme pain in an unmentionable place many times a month. It
continued for several years. I haven’t felt it within the last few months, but
I have no idea why not.
It feels like I’ve always been like this, but I know it
hasn’t. It has been several years now, but in the recent weeks it has all
gotten worse. I have finally scheduled an appointment with a doctor.
But that’s what happens. I am in pain, but I tolerate it.
I avoid getting medical advice like doing taxes. Then, suddenly, it worsens. It
gets so out of line that I know I have to do something about it. I go to an
expert, I get some tests, they smile and nod, tell me they have no idea what’s
wrong, and suggest I go elsewhere. I do go elsewhere only to find the same
reaction.
They might speculate. “You were clearly sexually abused,
try masturbation.” They might argue with me. “Peeing after drinking a lot is
normal.” If I get upset, it’s proof of my lunacy. “Why are you going to so many
doctors?” asks the fifth one my G.P. referred me to. “Because you’re not
getting the answer you’d like?”
Any answer at all would be great. Thanks.
I have already been tested for diabetes, treated for a
urinary tract infection, and told that thyroid problems weren’t the issue. The
doctors didn’t seem to care much. A lot of times, I felt like you had to go to
each doctor twice to really jumpstart the process, once to introduce the
problem, twice to prove you were serious. They didn’t know what to tell me.
They sent me to other experts who also didn’t know what to tell me. I never got
an answer, so I remained in pain.
I avoid going to an expert until I really need one. Then
they can’t help me.
My cat, a few years ago, got very sick. He stopped
eating, lost a lot of weight, and couldn’t go to the bathroom. I took him in
for a series of expensive tests. They found nothing. His hair, shaved off for
an x-ray, didn’t grow back. I got the feeling my vet didn’t really care, ready
to retire, but when I said so, my mother exploded at me in a surprising amount
of rage. Later on, when discussing Dimitri’s problems with friends, many of
them agreed that that specific vet didn’t really seem to care.
When I got another vet, she did work her ass off to find
out what was wrong with him. She took his files, came up with several tests,
told me she would discuss his case at a conference, and seemed genuinely
concerned. She too couldn’t figure out what was wrong.
They told us it might be cancer. The method of
determining that was invasive and he might not survive, plus the pills he was
taking were the only option anyway, so we decided to forgo the test. They put
Dimitri on an anti-depressant, gave him a steroid to give him more of an
appetite, and that seemed to be all we could do.
Then, after months and months, magically, he got better.
One night I wake to him playing, racing around the room
like the lunatic he is. His fur grew back, he put on weight, he started eating
again. I took him off the anti-depression food and he has been happy and active
ever since. Still a little wimp, but that was always the case.
I, to this day, have no idea what was wrong.
My car, a Honda, decided that it wasn’t always gone to
accelerate when I asked it to. Sometimes it would, but then, usually around a
curve or up a hill, the gas just stopped working. I took it to a Honda
dealership. They put it in a machine. The machine found nothing wrong with it.
Probably nothing. I took it to a mechanic. The mechanic solved a whole slew of
other problems for a whopping 600 dollars. He didn’t fix the acceleration. I
took it back to him. He said, “Well, it didn’t do it for me.” I looked it up
online. Apparently this was a common problem for the make and model I had. I
took it back. He did something. It
still did it. I took it back again. Finally he was driving it and it obliged me
by showing him. He came back and said, “I can see why you were scared.” Finally
he fixed it.
Last year, in attempts to solve my fatigue and
depression, I changed my diet to a high protein one. I ate a lot of nuts, eggs,
red meat, and protein shakes. I also stared to eat more greens and fruit. My
throat closed up and I couldn’t project air at all.
I started dating a guy who wanted to go to karaoke. I
explained I couldn’t speak louder than what I was at the moment. Because he
didn’t know me before he didn’t realize how hushed my voice was. He argued with
me.
After about four weeks I finally made myself go to the
doctor. I told him my problems and he smiled and nodded, bringing out a machine
to test my breath. After trying it several times, he looked at it and said,
“Wow, you really can’t breathe!”
When I asked him what I should do, he told me to just
“wait it out.” I told him I had changed my diet recently, could it be an
allergy? No.
I was supposed to come back in two weeks if it hadn’t
gotten better. When I waited the designated time and, surprise, surprise,
nothing had changed, I didn’t go back, but just stop eating the protein bars
and shakes. A few weeks after that, I could breathe again.
I go to these experts and they seem not to believe me.
It’s disheartening when you avoided them in the first place, tried to solve the
problems on your own, and then finally got yourself to admit you need help only
to turn to someone and have them brush you off.
I don’t immediately trust ‘experts.’ In a business like
mine, where subjectivity is so thorough and posturing is common, you can see
why it takes me some thorough analysis before I can decide how sincerely to
take constructive criticism.
If you liked this post, want to support, contact, stalk, or argue with me, please consider...
Liking Charley Daveler on Facebook
Following What's Worse than Was
